Lou needs a night out...

There are married and single working mothers who look forward to that special night in their lives when they get to spend a night out with friends. It may not happen often, but when it does it can literally change the face of motherhood, uplifting the spirit and renewing the senses just enough to allow these women to carry on. The importance of the girls' night out is often not realized until after a woman takes the blind leap of faith and goes out with her friends.

In restaurants, bars, and cafes there is guaranteed to be a group of women who stand out from the rest of the crowd. They are older than the rest, dressed in modest clothes and laughing louder than anyone else in the room. They may have crow’s feet and wear their jeans a little more loosely than the younger girls do, but they are by far seasoned women who know the perils of being a working woman, wife and mother.

This is the night set aside just for them when they are not expected to cut up anyone else’s dinner or wipe pasta sauce off their clothes. In fact, this is the night to leave it all behind! Mothering takes its toll on any woman. It seems pretty standard that marriage and motherhood leaves many women a breathless shell of the lively people they used to be. Instead of cracking jokes, flirting and spending their time being self-indulgent they are immersed in a world that requires them to be everything to everyone else but themselves. Having time to feel free, to say what they think and feel without worrying about who is listening to them and to pretend that they are the carefree people they used to be.

A girls' night out is a time to let go of regrets, worries and emotions that are tied to family and work, to encourage that sense of wild abandonment and camaraderie with other women who feel exactly the same on the inside. Girls' night out is the night to NOT talk about your child’s development; it was created to complain about the lack of decency the men in our lives display and to weigh the age-old discussion of whether size does matter. While few of these women would leave their regular lives behind for any reason, girls' night out gives them the chance to dream about what it would be like to be single again and have a life that is full of spur of the moment decisions and plans.

There is a long-standing assumption that women who become wives and mothers simply relish in this experience. Women are expected to instantly accept things like maternal instinct and selflessness without looking back. The problem is that they do and actually carry on with their daily careers. Few are willing or able to admit that in mainstream society, there are few women who don’t desperately need to be let out of prison once in a while. While the walls of their home may provide lots of love, they also can feel at times like a black hole that sucks the sheer energy and motivation out of the most driven person. When you have wiped enough bottoms and noses, washed enough dishes, ironed enough laundry and slept with the same person so many times, girls' night out can feel like a breath of fresh air.

The importance of girls' night out goes beyond having fun. In fact, it is about not having to hide about being able to relax, be yourself and being accepted for just that. Girls' night out is about spending time with other people who know how you feel without having to discuss all the depressing details. It is also about finding your way back to that inner rock star that used to be you, about feeling sexy again and letting go of expectations. The deeper side of it is knowing that you can go away, leave the house, and leave the kids with your husband or babysitter and that all will be pretty much unscathed when you return. While the kids may resent your absence, they and your husband will end up respecting you more for it at some point.

One side effect to girls' night out is a renewal of appreciation for everything that you do, all that you are and all the times you choose your family over your swirling desires of life without invisible metal bars in front of your face. The other most meaningful importance of girls' night out is that when it’s over, you choose to come back to real life. It is like fuel for the soul, which has a dramatic affect on the children. When mum feels happy, so does everyone else. Children need to see that it is okay for mum to be someone besides mum. They need to learn to respect that their mothers are independent of them and that their needs, wants and desires are just as important as theirs. It may only be once a month but it sure as hell is worth it, just to remind us how much fun being an adult really is.