We all know people who get upset over life’s littlest hang-ups. They whine on and on about how people exist alongside them without even acknowledging their presence.
The degree of any such temperament determines how badly these people will try to leech off you emotionally before you have to reach for the shark repellent to fend them off.
Signs to look out for. The emotionally needy:
blame everyone else for their own mistakes. Zero responsibility: it’s so much easier to say that someone else made the wrong decision;
cannot move on when something ends, especially a relationship;
are incredibly selfish and clingy;
are unable to think ahead;
tell anyone who will listen how other people ignore them;
are incapable of taking charge in even simple tasks such as driving a car;
call their partner 20 or 30 times a day seeking absolution and justification for their actions.
There are so many signs, it would be too exhausting to list them all.
Emotionally needy people are selfish and suffer from an overdose of self-denial. They never stop moaning and offer every excuse under the sun to bang on about how incredibly hard life is for them. Like your own has been a stroll in the park!
The emotionally needy, as with the walking wounded, are alive but not well. If you are what is known as ‘a people person’ you are bound to know a few of them.
These people are economical with the truth. They lie about anything to anyone. It's their way of getting attention. It could be that they want to come across as more important or successful than they actually are, or to gain sympathy in order to create an attachment.
They will fib about all things, large and small. It gets to the point when the listener is loath to believe anything they say.
And they always resort to churning up some drama. It’s their way of saying “Look at me!” because, of course, that’s how they become the centre of attention.
If there’s nothing going on they will make something up. This can be done by starting rumours, sticking their noses in where they don’t belong, or ‘confiding’ a suspicion that may or may not have any basis in fact. Another way to do this is to act inappropriately and then rabbit on about it for days on end, boring others to death.
They will try to elbow their way into your life. They might blatantly ask to be invited to a lunch date that you have, even though they have never met the other person. They have no problem telling you that they want to come to an event they are clearly not a part of, like your son’s school play or ex-colleague’s BBQ. Or they may ask for your parents’ phone number, even though they’ve never met them.
These people continually refer to an alleged trauma from the past, and usually with a full audience present. It may just be the normal growing up stuff that we all went through, or a difficult friendship, but they still have to tell you how troubled they are by it.
They will replay and retell the same story for years without ever making any effort to resolve their feelings about that situation. The listener will generally show concern the first couple of times, before twigging that this is yet another attention-getting ploy.
They assume an inappropriately close relationship too soon. They are, after all, very needy, and are looking for someone to nurture those needs.
This is perhaps the most manipulative of their tools. If you show any sign of kindness, they will stick to you like glue and you will end up feeling as if you’re being suffocated. They will ‘open up’ to you, trying to create and affirm a bond by revealing dark secrets that quite frankly make you feel highly uncomfortable.
The emotionally needy are easy to spot but hard to shake off. The best thing you can do is stay alert at all times and exercise the utmost caution.
If you do become trapped by one of these people and can later extract yourself from the relationship, then run for the hills the first chance you get.
If you are tied to one of these people by family bonds, however, you must tread with caution. The best way to deal with them is to create an obvious and unmistakable distance while avoiding confrontation. They will eventually accept you don’t have time for them.
But if they do persist in looking to you to solve their emotional problems, let them know you are not equipped to deal with anything on that level, and suggest they get professional help instead.
And if all else fails, you can always change your phone number and announce on Facebook that you are leaving the country...
The degree of any such temperament determines how badly these people will try to leech off you emotionally before you have to reach for the shark repellent to fend them off.
Signs to look out for. The emotionally needy:
blame everyone else for their own mistakes. Zero responsibility: it’s so much easier to say that someone else made the wrong decision;
cannot move on when something ends, especially a relationship;
are incredibly selfish and clingy;
are unable to think ahead;
tell anyone who will listen how other people ignore them;
are incapable of taking charge in even simple tasks such as driving a car;
call their partner 20 or 30 times a day seeking absolution and justification for their actions.
There are so many signs, it would be too exhausting to list them all.
Emotionally needy people are selfish and suffer from an overdose of self-denial. They never stop moaning and offer every excuse under the sun to bang on about how incredibly hard life is for them. Like your own has been a stroll in the park!
The emotionally needy, as with the walking wounded, are alive but not well. If you are what is known as ‘a people person’ you are bound to know a few of them.
These people are economical with the truth. They lie about anything to anyone. It's their way of getting attention. It could be that they want to come across as more important or successful than they actually are, or to gain sympathy in order to create an attachment.
They will fib about all things, large and small. It gets to the point when the listener is loath to believe anything they say.
And they always resort to churning up some drama. It’s their way of saying “Look at me!” because, of course, that’s how they become the centre of attention.
If there’s nothing going on they will make something up. This can be done by starting rumours, sticking their noses in where they don’t belong, or ‘confiding’ a suspicion that may or may not have any basis in fact. Another way to do this is to act inappropriately and then rabbit on about it for days on end, boring others to death.
They will try to elbow their way into your life. They might blatantly ask to be invited to a lunch date that you have, even though they have never met the other person. They have no problem telling you that they want to come to an event they are clearly not a part of, like your son’s school play or ex-colleague’s BBQ. Or they may ask for your parents’ phone number, even though they’ve never met them.
These people continually refer to an alleged trauma from the past, and usually with a full audience present. It may just be the normal growing up stuff that we all went through, or a difficult friendship, but they still have to tell you how troubled they are by it.
They will replay and retell the same story for years without ever making any effort to resolve their feelings about that situation. The listener will generally show concern the first couple of times, before twigging that this is yet another attention-getting ploy.
They assume an inappropriately close relationship too soon. They are, after all, very needy, and are looking for someone to nurture those needs.
This is perhaps the most manipulative of their tools. If you show any sign of kindness, they will stick to you like glue and you will end up feeling as if you’re being suffocated. They will ‘open up’ to you, trying to create and affirm a bond by revealing dark secrets that quite frankly make you feel highly uncomfortable.
The emotionally needy are easy to spot but hard to shake off. The best thing you can do is stay alert at all times and exercise the utmost caution.
If you do become trapped by one of these people and can later extract yourself from the relationship, then run for the hills the first chance you get.
If you are tied to one of these people by family bonds, however, you must tread with caution. The best way to deal with them is to create an obvious and unmistakable distance while avoiding confrontation. They will eventually accept you don’t have time for them.
But if they do persist in looking to you to solve their emotional problems, let them know you are not equipped to deal with anything on that level, and suggest they get professional help instead.
And if all else fails, you can always change your phone number and announce on Facebook that you are leaving the country...
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