Continuing the family ‘legacy’ is important for most parents, particularly those of the successful (ie wealthy) Mediterranean variety. If you come from a family of entrepreneurs, chances are you will be expected to become one too, regardless of your wishes or inclination. When the parents are high achievers, they expect their talents to manifest themselves in their offspring.
Many parents think the formula to their children’s success is to provide them with everything. And since everything is given, there is no reason why they cannot excel. “If her child can do it, why can’t mine?” Hearing parents boast about their kids’ success causes other parents to feel envy and even self-doubt. And because they feel this way, they can then put pressure on their own children.
Though instilling competitiveness in children has its benefits, potential negative ramifications can outweigh the positive. For example, children under great pressure can become very unhappy with one or two little mistakes. They may start blaming themselves for the slightest setback.
They will take every mistake or failure as the ‘end of it all.' This kind of mindset - where personal worth is measured by grades, accolades, and other quantifiable achievements - can be detrimental to their future self-perception. When the pressure is too much, the child no longer sees knowledge and the acquisition of knowledge as goals. Top grades have become the premium, whether or not he or she learns anything that is of value. And the child also becomes an unfriendly competitor.
With expectations set high, children may fear punishment from their parents every time they fall short. If children have difficulty in certain subjects or areas, they need support and guidance early on. However, since they are afraid of disappointing their parents, they will not come out and say, “I'm having a hard time understanding this.” Nothing is resolved; no course of action is taken. This fear of failure also translates itself into children’s unwillingness to take risks, to explore, or to try something new, thus stunting their long-term development.
Children under tremendous pressure from their parents are usually unable to think for themselves. How happy they are with their achievements depends on how happy their mum and dad are. Constant bragging by parents about their children to others may not always be graciously received. This may even create a wall between the child being bragged about and other friends, other parents and even relatives. Long-term damage to the child may result in an unhealthy superiority or inferiority complex.
The feeling of being better than everybody else, because a child was constantly drilled that he or she IS better, can result in ostracism by peers. Similarly, feeling inferior to others may cause children to retreat into their shells.
When children hear their parents comparing them with others, it only translates to two messages: either “Mum and Dad love me because I am perfect,” or “They say I’m not as good as the other children.” The need to succeed arises, but only to satisfy the desire to be accepted and be loved.
Before anyone notices, what begins as self-doubt escalates into serious anxiety, which can lead to more serious problems such as power struggles, eating disorders, and depression, even at a very young age. Children need to know that they will be loved whether or not they are showered with accolades.
Be confident of your children, let them learn at their own pace, and be there to hold their hands when they need it. Just as parents do best, love and accept your children for who they are. Allow them to be themselves since each child is unique. Respect their ways of learning, growing, and thinking. Ultimately, a child’s true measure of greatness depends on the love, guidance and values their parents give them.
Many parents think the formula to their children’s success is to provide them with everything. And since everything is given, there is no reason why they cannot excel. “If her child can do it, why can’t mine?” Hearing parents boast about their kids’ success causes other parents to feel envy and even self-doubt. And because they feel this way, they can then put pressure on their own children.
Though instilling competitiveness in children has its benefits, potential negative ramifications can outweigh the positive. For example, children under great pressure can become very unhappy with one or two little mistakes. They may start blaming themselves for the slightest setback.
They will take every mistake or failure as the ‘end of it all.' This kind of mindset - where personal worth is measured by grades, accolades, and other quantifiable achievements - can be detrimental to their future self-perception. When the pressure is too much, the child no longer sees knowledge and the acquisition of knowledge as goals. Top grades have become the premium, whether or not he or she learns anything that is of value. And the child also becomes an unfriendly competitor.
With expectations set high, children may fear punishment from their parents every time they fall short. If children have difficulty in certain subjects or areas, they need support and guidance early on. However, since they are afraid of disappointing their parents, they will not come out and say, “I'm having a hard time understanding this.” Nothing is resolved; no course of action is taken. This fear of failure also translates itself into children’s unwillingness to take risks, to explore, or to try something new, thus stunting their long-term development.
Children under tremendous pressure from their parents are usually unable to think for themselves. How happy they are with their achievements depends on how happy their mum and dad are. Constant bragging by parents about their children to others may not always be graciously received. This may even create a wall between the child being bragged about and other friends, other parents and even relatives. Long-term damage to the child may result in an unhealthy superiority or inferiority complex.
The feeling of being better than everybody else, because a child was constantly drilled that he or she IS better, can result in ostracism by peers. Similarly, feeling inferior to others may cause children to retreat into their shells.
When children hear their parents comparing them with others, it only translates to two messages: either “Mum and Dad love me because I am perfect,” or “They say I’m not as good as the other children.” The need to succeed arises, but only to satisfy the desire to be accepted and be loved.
Before anyone notices, what begins as self-doubt escalates into serious anxiety, which can lead to more serious problems such as power struggles, eating disorders, and depression, even at a very young age. Children need to know that they will be loved whether or not they are showered with accolades.
Be confident of your children, let them learn at their own pace, and be there to hold their hands when they need it. Just as parents do best, love and accept your children for who they are. Allow them to be themselves since each child is unique. Respect their ways of learning, growing, and thinking. Ultimately, a child’s true measure of greatness depends on the love, guidance and values their parents give them.
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