People tend to ask a lot of us…

We are constantly asked to donate, attend, volunteer, eat or buy. Had we the kindest of wills, the deepest of bank accounts and the most wide open of schedules, we could never do it all, and so, the ability to say no politely and with grace is an essential social skill that must be acquired and soon.

If you're female, it seems, saying no is especially difficult and I don’t mean saying no to drugs or to sexual pressure, I'm talking about the difficulty of saying 'no' to parents, other family members, good friends, clients and associates. Far too many females’ particularly Mediterranean females have been raised since birth to be dutiful people-pleasers, even after so many decades of feminist gains, many women, young and old, feel intensely guilty about saying NO.

Still, we need to learn to set boundaries if are to help others without losing ourselves, we have to remember, offering kindness is not the same as being a doormat! If you have ever felt this level of pressure my advice is to set limits agree to meet a parent, friends, associate for lunch, but tell them it has to end by 1:30 because you have a 2 p.m. Be honest explain that you have other things you just have to do, honesty makes a better foundation for a friendship than falsehoods, even if little white lies are intended to spare someone's feelings and are easier to use sometimes.

If you consistently have a tough time refusing honestly, ask yourself why: is this relationship based on favours? Are you concerned the other person will hold a grudge? If the relationship is that fragile, maybe it's not worth having.

Make a list of all the people to whom you feel bonded, and consider the return on investment you're getting from that relationship, ask yourself which ones enrich you -- and which ones make you feel wrung out and depleted. Harsh as it sounds, we need to divest ourselves off relationships that yield consistent losses if we don't, we’ll just run out of the energy that we need to connect with others, more important others like our immediate loved ones who really need and deserve our time and who offer us something in return.

First and foremost, we need to extricate ourselves from relationships with those I like to refer to as Octopi, "people who possess myriad sucking tentacles of emotional need ... masters at catalyzing guilt and obligation; they operate by squeezing pity from everyone they meet." People who drain our energy that way, like people who overload us with their problems or who judge us or belittle us, however subtly, are no good for us -- and we owe it to ourselves to say no to having them in our lives…

Lou’s tip of the day: Remember it’s a two way street people...